The Evil Me..or the Angel Me?

There are very interesting introspections that explore all possible equations of the thought process within a human mind. True to having experienced the thinking process much in depth..i came across vivid revelations that were quite enlightening to my soul… I was not in conflict with myself for having my questions answered but yet wanted few words that would strengthen my faith in the existence of the very powerful universe…Here goes the story…

It was just another Moonlit night..(Not one of those romantic ones though!) hehehe ;-)…I had just settled down on the chair placed near the house balcony..that was after dinner…had no obligations to cater to from office ..had no scoldings impending on me from my Mom.. had no emails to write for my Dad..:-)..so I was at peace, in the sense that I could spend some time with my ownself..This was not a striking desire within me to show off heights of self obsession or try to reflect a state of isolation to just let the night flow in despair..But it was one of those moments I had craved for weeks..a moment that would bring me close to tranquility ..

I gazed at the stars dazzling in their own special way all across the vast canvas having shades of dark grey..or maybe jet black …whatever the color shade painted across the night sky ..i must say darkness has a beauty of its own! J

I thought to myself what if I was one of those stars twinkling endlessly… that’s what we feel when we look at them but the word endlessly wasn’t right for me to think of,..for the simple reason being that stars also have a definite end to themselves..Was it the evil in me thinking of the Stars dying.. in specific terms.. having a well defined life and death process of their own as perceived by Humans or was it the Angel in me that was trying to value the selflessness of those Stars which twinkle with immense brightness and give us a feeling of divine energy that does exist somewhere but don’t know how..where..or in which form..

I was coming to terms with certain aspects of my ownself during this moment of deep introspection…Was I the one who knew about the end of my life and still wanted to ignore it..Or was it my soul that played the role of a God like Super energy that knew the routes to endlessness, selflessness, truthfulness….and so on…all of these abstract nouns not being mere terms of goodness but in literal sense the actual ingrediants or rather essential elements to attend Moksh…what was it..i still couldn’t get a clarity of..but had all possible doubts to question the very existence of the good or the bad..Was the Good an Angel and the Bad an Evil..was it defined this way even before we could understand or realize it..or was it always existing and had to come to understanding terms with me when so called Powerful Universe decided to gift me with Wisdom.

I always considered myself to be simple, easy going and a content person. Yet I knew that contentment was temporary..i was not running behind materialistic things nor did I have a big dream of ruling the world..but what was it that was driving me to question my Spiritual Quotient so much so that it had created a firm belief that some day if my question was answered then I could think of making a difference in this lovely island of humanity…

I could feel the footprints of my Grandmom’s words of wisdom in my heart..they didn’t exist to trouble me or throw me into an emotional turbulence..but had some message to convey..Her message was not of peace..not of idealism…It was a message to be humane..

The very law of nature states about the survival of the fittest..Are we too doing the same..Are we being humane..Is it the Evil in Us or the Angel in us that is making us survive for so long…I still have this question unanswered..

The Evil in me is somewhere in conflict with the angel in me..A winner in this conflict is inevitable..and a failure has to learn from this conflict..What I feel today might not be the same some time later..maybe my thoughts will be enhanced or might take a step down..but whatever it will be..it will be another fruitful result of the Human Thought Process..I feel so since I believe in it..and I shall till it gives me the answer I have been waiting for….